IT FELT LIKE DEATH!

  I recently happen to come across the testimony of Joni Eareckson Tada who had a diving accident at 17 which left her quadriplegic and on a wheelchair. After 43 years in a wheelchair,paralysed from shoulders down; keeping her faith intact; being an instrument for advancing God’s kingdom and speaking and writing about God’s faithfulness in her life, even with all her disabilities;

 suddenly at age 60 she discovered that she had Breast cancer !!

       When the doctor informed her that her tumor is malignant, she described;

IT JUST FELT LIKE DEATH!

 (https://www.christianpost.com/news/joni-eareckson-tada-not-shaken-by-breast-cancer.html),

 I ,personally could relate to her feeling because I had been through a somewhat similar situation. When I was suddenly diagnosed with brain tumor  at 20 and then it recurred again after 3 years ,resulting in complete loss of balance; 
I was like... it's okay ...it happens. Jesus said you will face problems and troubles in life ,so I thought we as a family have gone through a major problem, our quota as believers is done, we wont have any major problems to deal with now.

But then when my dad suddenly after 10months was diagnosed with blood cancer..

...IT FELT LIKE DEATH!

I was still trying to sit,..literally!was trying to balance myself after surgery, had dealt with brain surgeries and radiations and was dealing and discovering my various physical disabilities when Dad’s reports said positive!
              I remember me, my mom  and my sister just sitting  in shock for few minutes, not being able to talk or cry or think and  Dad was on his way back from the hospital with his reports.I was so blank to even ask questions! I thought my brain tumor was it! I didn't understand!

              But then you move on! just move forward…thinking what’s next, what can I do now! From shock to crying to moving forward takes time! That time maybe days, months and sometimes even years,With family and friends to pray for you and support you, that ‘TIME’ gets shorter.but you realize you cannot do it alone!

              You have so many 'why’s' and 'how’s' for God and they may or may not get answered but I know its futile to ask God because He is God! He can do anything with your life.

      But I can guarantee you this, it is not for harming you in anyway(Jeremiah 29;11).That is an assurance! Moreover he always says to ‘trust me!’,its  not ‘understand everything and then trust me!’I remember always chanting  and reminding myself that“God is in control”! .   ...that really helped!

             And while Joni was explaining her experience and her feelings;with tearful joy she said that knowing that there was somebody else too who had felt the same way that I did,…

  The Apostle Paul!

.....was such a comfort! 

Really...??
      
         2 Corinthians 1:9-11 says,
⁹ Indeed, we felt we had received the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. ¹⁰ He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us again. On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us, ¹¹ as you help us by your prayers. Then many will give thanks on our behalf for the gracious favor granted us in answer to the prayers of many.

           True,this verse is indeed a comfort! And Paul has had that feeling too! He is been through tough situations that made him feel like death too! For me that was a revelation!
           When you feel like death,when you feel drained, when you have lost the ability to even feel any emotion ,this verse is a comfort. GOD is telling you that you can't do it on your own ,you need to rely on me to pull you up and move forward. It gives light to many of our why questions.

         He has delivered, he will deliver and continue to deliver us! That’s a promise! God is always in control!